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I'm sorry my love

To my dearest love,

I’m terribly sorry for forgetting Valentine’s day. I know it means the world to you, as it’s the only day in the year that I will go down on you, and I will try to make it up to you. There are several reasons and tales to share from the great beyond, but you’d never believe me. Well. It doesn’t matter whether you believe, you must know. You see- I was under attack by a pack of dildos that had grown wings and decided to try and get back at me.

They nearly stuck me in the arse several times- but I managed to evade them just as well.

I understand it can be difficult to believe that’s what happened, but you’ll have to trust me on this one. Those Dildos meant business, and they weren’t going to get me off easy.

So- I’ve decided to make Valentine’s up to you… by pretending like I didn’t miss it, and it’s still here. That’s right. It’s Valentine’s! Again. In…. March! From this day on- Valentines shall fall on, Marchurary 18th… Maybe I shouldn’t have drank this much.

You’ll find a crate in the server spawn, full of amazing trinkets and wizzbangery. I know how you like that wizzbangery. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

To help make up for the delay, you’ll be able to receive sixteen free crate keys from the donation store. In addition, there is a sale on the donation store for 40% every purchase made until March 25th

Have fun! Be safe! Wear a condom. Always. Even if you’re not having sex. Just. Wear one. Never go without protection.

I’m out.

And drunk.

Merry Valnetines.